The question below about Australia, are from potential visitors. They were posted on The Australian Tourism website & the answers are the actual respones by the website officials, who obviously, have a sense of humour.
Q. Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV. How do the plants grow? (UK)
A. We import all plants fully grown, then sit around watching them die.
Q.Will I be able to see Kangaroos in the street?(USA)
A. That will depend on how much you have been drinking.
Q. I want to walk from Perth to Sydney, can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A. Sure, it's only three thousand miles. Take lots of water.
Q. Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A. So it's true what they say about Swedes.
Q. Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Cairns, Brisbane, Townsville & Hervey Bay? (UK)
A. What did your last slave die of?
Q. Can you give me information about Hippo racing in Australia?(USA)
A. A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
Aus-tral-ia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific,
which does not, oh forget it. Hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, come naked.
Q. Which direction is North in Australis(USA)
A.Face South and turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we will send the rest of the directions.
Q. Can I bring cutlery to Australia?
A. Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q. Can you send me The Vienna Boys' Choir Schedule? (USA)
A. Au-st-ria is is that quaint little country bordering Ger-many which is, oh forget it. Sure, The Vienna Boys' Choir performs every Tuesday night right after the Hippo racing in Kings Cross. Come naked.
Q. Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A. You are a British Politician, right?
Q. Are there supermarkets in Sydney, and is milk available all year round? (UK)
A. No. We are a peaceful nation of vegan hunter/gathers. Milk is illegal.
Q. Please send a list of all doctors who can dispense Rattle snake serum. (USA)
A. Rattle Snakes live in A m-eri-ca, whic h is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes a harmless, and can be handled and make good pets.
Q. Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A. No, WE don't stink!
Q. I have developed a new product that is the Fountain of Youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A. Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q. Can you tell me the regions of Tasmania where the female populatin is smaller thatn the male population? (Italy)
A.Yes, Gay nightclubs.
Q. Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A. Only at Christmas.
Q. I was in Australia in 1969 on R&R, and want to contact the girl I dated while I was in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
A. Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
Q. Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A. Yes, but you will have to learn it first.
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